Oh December...

Why? Just why December has to be so busy? Because im a bad planner or organizer it took a hole week to organize my and my dad's birthday party AT HOME! Well, everything comes with experiences so im sure next party will be little bit smoother :)

Anyways, the 15th of December was really full of conversations and the most emotional conversation I had made me cry! Yeah, those tears of joy really made my day and extra energy to make everything work. It was from my army brother who called me from Afghanistan :) The call wasn't long, maybe 5 mins but after it ended xD I was jumping around, really :) He wished me happy birthday and asked, if he could speak with dad too but the reception was bad so he thought he will call him next day. Then he asked about little Emma, about his dog and if there's any interesting news. Told him about the "warm" weather and snow piles higher than last years December had. I really miss him but I'm glad he called and he was alright.


After that I managed to break the dining table in half. Jup, in half. Luckily I had 2 baby brothers and 2 male guest already there to fix it before the rest of the guest arrived.

The party was really nice. Laughed a lot and it surely will be remembered for long time. Especially the part when my brother started acting like Hitler/Stalin/Churchill ( he spoke english, german, russian all together) he even did a bellydance xD Now i know if i need a comedian for parties i will hire my brothers, they can always make people laugh :)
Here is link with video where my brother is the military leader :D But sorry Germans, because the Rammstain music it isn't available in Germany :(

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bwtw9QA6KPc

Beside the comedy corner my brothers discovered my winter decorations and thought I need little more sparkle :D In the end all christmas decorations where ether on places they need to be or on people ^^



More interesting stuff that happened on that day:
1) Got a prank call form a stripper service xD Managed to win the pranker ;)
2) 2 guys texted me the night of 15th telling me how sad their live is
3) I was thought im 17, 23 or 25 years old (21 actually)
4) Had one dramatic call from family member (trying to make me hate someone)


And so typical...I have had so many wonderful discussions with myself but when I start writing blog my mind is empty, like it has erased the best part of my thoughts leaving me here sitting like a mindless creature.
Well, maybe that means I should finish this post and hopefully I will remember my thoughts soon :)

Have a warm snowy winter all ! :)

Oh darn it...

I can't believe what weekend I just had...From a lovely meeting to baby's first birthday.

Bus rides with little kid is always a risky thing. But last buss ride will surely be remembered. Starting the ride with Emma patting on another's girls shoulder and talking with her all the way. When we finally had the change to sit down next to a fine army man I was later told, that the army man was peeking little Emma and smiling. i know it because the girl who said it to me was secretly watching the army man :D What a nice ride indeed :D

In the mall Emma sure made other people laugh. Running into a small shop, screamed something and then run out..then people see her mom running past the shop, saying " Lady, come back". I heard the laughter! :D And then a surprise... A big red rose given from a gentleman. I can't say I was speechless because I felt so freely and kept talking and talking and talking and when I didn't talk I was smiling :) Ohh...It was just so lovely.


Then stayed the night over my friends place and had a glass of wine with her, talking about life, kids, men and how tired we are xD And i kept my owl lifestyle by going to bed 1.45 am.

The kids birthday party was adorable! But it really is tiring. All that running and picking her up and...Oh, but those kids where surely adorable.

I sure like my new protector, my DRAGON! But at the same time i'm kinda disappointed. Only problem is that it wont stay where it should be. No, it does not fly awey... Rather falls down -.- The design could be little better like there should be longer holder behind the ear so it would stay put. I'm sure I will order another dragon which had little bit better design, at least I think it has based on the picture I saw. 

And the ring-braclet! Isn't it just lovely! Can't wait to wear it somewhere :D

And for all my friends who do not have windows...

It's freaking snowing and spinning and whirling outside!

And thanks to that i'm able to stay home ^^ When mother called me this morning ( i clearly slept in) i quickly replayed that i am coming, i'm already up. But then she said that its pointless and I should not go, or else I will get stuck on the road .... And then suddenly I heard my dads voice somewhere and he said" yeah, your car by the way in somewhere in the middle of the road..stuck" Yep, my face was priceless because I was sleeply happy  :D and confused :D

Whipe my tears with the scarf of love! 

I can't see a thing

One day I will draw like that too..

Miss drawing but I don't have the time beside work and being there for my kid.

If I had the energy to express myself through pencil. It would be mindblowing. 

The white wolf dream

Last night my thoughts and hot room didn't let me sleep well. Turning sides in bed, trying to find a perfect position for sleep... I had at least 1000 thoughts in my head...
And then there was white wolf in front of me. First as a lonely puppie who I nursed and saw to grow up to a majestic creature with deepest blue eyes. I earned its trust. It all felt so real.. The midwinter time on a field behind my house, I watched him playing with my daughter. And the moment, when he laied down in front of her so she could hug him.. I heard through my sleep how Emma laughed in her own sleep. Did she just saw the same dream with me? Saw herself playing with the majestic big white wolf? I had difficulties to fall back to sleep. I couldn't get the thought of the wolf and my kids laughter out of my head. Final moment before the dream overwhelmed me I remember myself smiling.

To dream of white wolf means valor and victory. You have the ability to see the light even in your darkest hours. 



Does that mean, that I'm have some dark hours waiting for me in near future? And I usually always see light in bad things.


Earth wisdom, family bonds, loyalty, success, perseverance, unity. The white wolf is often seen as a spiritual messenger of Earth.

Family has always been dear to me and I'm deeply hurt when my family members act like family is something that just is. Being family needs hard work too, it needs time to grow, investments of joy and laughter, time for wisdom and learning from mistakes.

We sure know how to have fun ^^

the 5D cinema was awesome! I didnt mind that i looked like a girl going to snorkel but the movie "piret tale" was awesome and we with Liisu screamed and laughedd more than the family with 2 lil kids. It was so weird that they where quiet and we laughed even before the movie xD

Yeah, we sure are cute in pink! Pink is the new power to rule the guys in the club :D Yeyya, first time visiting capitals big clubs and we where first on the dancefloor :D We where like the entertainment before the big bands dig. Ohh what stares we got while we waited the rest of the group xD That was a good suprise my sis did for me xD And i just so so soo loved the girls time we had and the shopping stuff and everything! there was nothing bad accept the crusal pain in our feet xD

Digging in the past vol2

First of all...

❦  

Happy Father's Day Daddy!! 

I love you very much! Even when you are busy you always find time to help me...You have been always by my side when I have needed it the most. I am proud to call you my dad and I am happy to have such a wonderful person as my hero <3 p="p">

 Anyways...Emma was so happy to walk all by herself outside and chase the dogs. For sure she found all the mud holes and the tallest wet grass to fall in and then for final she managed to crawl through the shed, losing her rubber boots and make her clothes just so dirty. But that all belongs to the childhood memories.

That's how she does her usual stuff when mom is too busy with her talks. 

And watching old photos is just hahaha... Im tired from the party xD Can't think any good ideas, sorry

Anyways, here is her favorite place when we visit grandmom -the suitcase

Yep, dyed my hair again..First blonded it then added a red colour. I like it as it is now, it reminds me a small flame on a pine tree ^^


And i sewed the dress hole night and day.-->
( ok, not the dress but the skirt and the belt)

And now about the party!
I have got no pictures of the party...Yet. Anyway, the styled birthday party was awesome! The rode there though was scary. Mom's bf was very brave and fast to take the curves but that had given me a heartattack almoust :S When I got to Sagadi's mansion and found the guesthouse I creeped myself out again. I thought I had gone on a wrong party because I didn't recognize anyone. Finally I found one birthday kid and when i sat down on the table, i started seeing familiar faces. One thing amezed me and it was fact that guys where really sticked with the rule of clothing, they really looked like sultans, terrorist and rich arab guys :D Girls where moddest- one muslim, 2 with burqa, me with bellidance outfir and other girls where calling themselfes "arabs guy fancy american gf" :D And we had nice games too. First ws for the b-day guys. They where blindfolded and needed to put the stuff in front of them on themselves. This is what they looked like...


Then we had a competition where i needed to kiss the b-day guy 10 times on the cheeks. Others had to run, blow the balloon til exploded, 10 push-ups, drink 0,5l water, read a poem, make 10 squats with quacks, make squats while holding a spoon in your mouth and spoon holding a small ball, eat an apple and then all we needed to lift up the b-day guy. And then yell Allah xD
It sure was funny :D

And i really have a bad memorie for names. Met a guy or a girl, said hellos and names and 5 mins later i had forgotten the name :S

Aaaand its all for now ;) Cya, miss you all ^^

Digging in the past

Me with blond mind and tiny belly+ mom and brother

First day of baby monkey @ hospital

Well, I have been a hole week at moms place and  like always here I tend not to communicate with my mind or other living people other than my mom, babygirl and moms bf. And you all can breath easlily now, im alive and I didn't kill anyone on my mad time when my brain wanted to murder everyone! I'm back to my typical myself again ^^ Well, i'll be when i get home...One last night here...

Anyways.. I found out some pretty interesting pictures when I was bored on moms bf laptop. The time I had belly, the time i was blond..the time Emma was really really small ^^ I still can't believe that Emma is already 1-year-old. And like usual when im visiting my mom, she teaches her some silly stuff. Now Emma basically everytime she eats something she spits it out and then says" Fuuh" but it doesnt sound like Fuuh but more like "Brrhh" i know it doesnt sound  normal but i think i should have it somewhere in video but i cant remember on whose camera, mine or moms bf camera.

But all in all we have had a lot of fun here, laughing all the time.

PS. Emma loves bubbles and when dog eats the bubbles xD
Her favorite place is in a broken suitcase.
She runs like mad-one when she sees kitty ( kitty is afraid of her and usually hides)
She likes dirt from the flowerpots.
She likes to switch lights on and off.
She likes closing doors.
She likes playing with grandmoms plants and pretend she is an jungle exploring it.

Mom, Emma and tiny relative :)

Time she didnt walk, run or do any demolishing

Aaaaand I lost my mind.....

*pushes restart*

...

Story contionues....

Wings

Jup people! Stop worrying about your past or future..why can't you just enjoy the present, take life step by step, day by day? Yeah, we can't forget future but living only for future plans wont give you any change to enjoy life! Think about it...

And young ones.. Do you really think that when you are old, the only thing you can remember are parties you went but really can't remember the actual party itself...Or the time you went somewhere with complete strangers and something bad happened? I got really angry today, when I saw in Facebook, that young girl posted something that said i have a hangover, cant remember a thing. Really young lady? Is that a real place to show how uncool and lame you are? You are only 14 years old and I'm sure before you are 18 you have ruined your health and you should be attending AA-meetings not another so called party. Dear parents, are teaching your children to behave really so hard? I'm scared of my baby-girls future! I really hope, she has enough sense to know that if other kids too stuff like that it isn't "cool" or "swag". Hope she will be what she wants to be and be strong enough to say basically"F*ck you, you unmoral senseless clone! I'm who I am..I'm unique!" 

 Yeah, I've been in a strugggle lately with myself. I'm worried that I'm ice-cold b*tch like I have said about myself just for fun. More like Icequeen or Snowfairy but the thoughts in my head makes me b*tch. -.- Atleast I'm honest with myself not like most of people who blame others for their problems. I know I'm bad, sometimes good and if I finally understand my mistakes, I'll be sorry if necessary. Yeah, bla bla blaa xD

 

What else.... Ok, I'll write little about my weekend too. Had Michy over... the plans we had we didnt do them xD We just watched movies, laughed about Emma and talked alot :) Time in Old Town was awesome too...

By the way, I was with my high heels and guess how well my legs are now xD Anyways... I think I'll stop here and soon I'm back with some new ides that my brain was harasshing me with the last few days. 

Cya Cookies!

Mi chicas!

I felt so nostalgic today, when we talked about our crazy times that I just had to dig up this old video of ours  ^^

I really loved the time we had together, Im going to miss you all even more than before...but I already heard, you where planning to meet again in the campus like we planned after finishing school and i love the idea :) Then at least I can go out too ^^ And girl..we still haven't managed to go out in club or pub with all four of us :D





I hope you all are well after eating all the candy xD Oh cookies, you made me laugh so hard and thinking of you makes me all warm ^^




Ha haa hahahahha Look what I have Michy! I'm a badass gangster ;) Sorry, but ninja was too fast, couldn't take any pics so we need to make a new one ;)


Oh, but ill leave all like it is now..See you soon cookies :*

"I'm Ivan"

Hi darlings!

Im going to tell you that if my story today is kind or kinda very messy then its because I had a freaking awesome weekend and only 2 hours of sleep xD

Anyways...

Went to see Helen and as soon as i stepped out from the bus I was confused. The place was under repairs and it took me some time to understand where the hell i was :D

At least  Helen rescued me and so we started to ride through the city, through shops, through crowds. Finally went to her place so I could drop my bag, rest my legs for a while, refresh my makeup and then we went to Old Town :) Yeyya!

We sure had a fun time there :) Saw one old couple fighting, ran from a drunkard who well in for us xD and talked with Helen's foreign friends. We sure talked alot :) About EVERYTHING! Our past, future, our common intrests, guys and for sure about dancing :) But we forgot to make pictures xD We where so busy talking and looking for toilets all the time xD

So, we decided we needed a small drink after walking so much and i was wearing high heels of course :D So, we bought some gin and when we where in the line waiting I said to her 

"You know they don't sell alcohol to people who are drunk?"

And she said what i think was...

" Ja iva on?"

What means " And the point is" but im not still not sure what the hell did she say but what i said was...

" Noo, I'm Ivan!"

And she started laughing and looked me like i was a freaking retard. And we just laughed there and everyone where looking us like we where 2 insane person just broken out from mental house :D Even some guys from Sweden, who where standing behind us where talking after about Ivan and laughing :D

So, when it was time to pay i was first and the male cashier looked me weird. 

" Do you want to see my ID-card?" I asked from him...

And he said

 "No, I just wanted to see your name"

And we where laughing again xD

When Helen started to pay she immediately asked, if he wants to know her name too but the guy shaked his head for no :D

Ouh, we both with Helen where sick- stuffy nose, sore throat... Later that night I lost my voice and its still gone :S But everytime I said something people laughed and asked " are you sick?" Really?? Im wearing a freaking scarf around my neck, no voice and i was blowing my nose all the time. I think i said to someone finally after those all question 

"Well, you know that im from the country and its so quiet there that we all speak like this" 

And the hole table was laughing again, ofcorse after that when my neighbor had said my words out loud for them :D

The pub was awesome. The pub owner had a rule, that if someone should fall asleep he will scribble on their face, take a picture and add them on facebook, after that they wake persons up and throw them on the street when its closing time :) We even saw how the owner drew red glasses on one poor fellow xD And when it was closing time we all tried to wake him up" I could scream so i started clapping and soon others clapped too, Helen shaked that dude and said " wakey wakey"  and owners said something in english. 

We had so much fun after that. Because it was closing time for other clubs and pubs too, the Old Town streets where crowded  with drunk people. 

One dude aske: " Where are the pretty girls going"

I, after managing gathering some strength: " To eat chicken soup!"

And when I saw pigeons I screamed" Flying chicken! Thats the soup!"

xD And if you had seen how Helen was chasing the birds xD HILARIOUS!

But actually we managed to buy chicken noodles and make them at Helen's place.. It was already 8 o'clock in the morning and we got to bed at 9... Only 2 hours of sleep and i was up. Voice still gone, head hurted as hell, legs where like under pressure. I'm glad i didnt fall into the closet when i climbed out the bed and tried to stand..my legs where just too weak. Because I had to catch my 13.00 bus to Rakvere, we had to move our asses and it was rainy and cold and we really didnt want to get out from the warm bed...But what had to be done had to be done. And soon i was on bus and listening my music and just trying to remember all the freaky stuff what Helen did on our way at her place+ everything else :)

I'm going to hit the sheets now. My legs sure miss some resting time ^^

Bye darlings!

Crazy boringtime :D

Well---I guess we all have had times when we are extremely bored but still too active to go to bed... When i was hit with that kind of feeling i suddenly started talking and not talking normally but adding letter -y in the end of every word :D

Lol like you can see I have not over come my big sense of humor xD 

Then i tried to clean my make-up bag but ended up doing make up on myself xF Nothing drastic or clounish but still...who does make-up before bed? Me ofcourse xD and then i had an idea that i should make pictures to show you guys how freaking genious I am :D 

Soo..here are some pictures..normal and abnormal

L

LoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooL
I know right :D Leave any sugsessions what should i do on my next crazy boring time ;)
Love you !

Konbanwa!

Yeah, i promised to write like 2 days ago but then my connection started to move on a snail-speed. Thats why im hoping it wont froze or get lost while im doing my bloggy. OMG how many mistakes ! ( i corrected the wierd ones xD)


Anyway, I missed Emma's first steps :( That's what you get when you help out in farm. But she is walking everyday and not making 3-4 steps but over 10. She is so cute when she walks...A big girl already . Well, she will be 1 year old in 2 weeks...2 WEEKS! Time goes so fast.


My aunt and uncle from Võsu visited us today. Although it was a sunny nice autumm  day after they left i felt sadness in me. Seeing how the radiation theraphy has worn out uncles body and mind, how aunty is scared, tired and sad. I saw her tiers, she told me that her eyes are just wet but i know she just tries to be strong..Im mad at myself that i can't make her feel any better and i don't even know what should i say or how to react...
I just wish her strong heart and i hope everything will be okey for both of them. I love you!

Have a beautiful colourful autumm darlings! 

Kinda sarcastic... I just was asked, what am i doing? I answered " it's too dark to draw so im writing" and i realized that its not only dark literally but my emotions too... Everyone is sick, luckily me and Emma are okey but she already coughed, so im extra careful with her now. I really dont want to talk about sadness or dark places... Autumm is a beautiful season and if the weather allows we will go outside to see the colourful change... I need to buy rubber boots for Emma now xD + all the winter clothes..she has grown alot from the last autumm and winter.. Ohh..all these changes are making me emotional... She is the sunshine in my rainy days.

And I was reading building forums today xD About constructing kitchen, the placement of things, the pipes and so on..and i realized....I'm stupid xD Daah, thats no secret anyway xD But I thought theres something I can do to make this house more like home not just a room. But i got scared that if i do something wrong, theres more damage after that, so.. i may do some stuff in the bathroom ( like removing the broken glass wall that i managed to break years ago) and make it lighter. Just mentioning xD

Ki wo tsukete ( take care)! I'm going to enjoy the few hours of sleep before im waken up by brothers sick girlfriend or Emma's demanding voice to drink something :D Good night darlings ^^

Descontrol Girls

Well, finally i managed to uploade some of the performance videos too...And I got a call...A new performance is only 5 days away :D Things are going pretty nice, ehh? :D
And Helen sweety, I cant wait till you start teaching in Rakvere again, my booty iches for some lessons xD

I really really really cant wait to get my life in line...

I went for a walk yesterday with Emma and while walking i realised, and i have said it before, that im freaking blind! I was like walking in a fog... And i cant start making my car licences when i cant see the road...so, First i need to get glasses, then car licences and getting a job before or after them would be fine too :) Then its all good :)


Ouh... When I putted Emma to sleep...I pretended I was sleeping when i felt that Emma woke up and stared at me..But then she started rubbing her nose against my nose and it was so adorable! I then pulled her next to me and she then silently fell asleep..I offcourse sneaked out and here i am :D

I'm going to say, that October will be crazily busy and interesting this year :D Im so freaking exited :P KAWAIII!


But oyasumi nasai wa tomodatchi desu ^^ Love ya!

Konnichiwa! ^^

Sumimasen for being away for so long and been totally disconnected from virtual world! (❥ˆ◡ˆ) 


Me and little Emma are at my moms place and its like a magical place where I dont want to be online at all xD 
What else....

Well, the first days where busy because Emma really really really wanted to climb those deam stairs but now she only goes up and not down, that's good ^^
I really haven't done nothing special at moms place..only today I felt that i need to entertain myself with learning Japanese... Kawaii right :D 

Oh yeah, our performance...Well, it was freaking amezing!  This time there where a lot of ppl and it was so cool to see, that how the first performer really like begged ppl to rais their hands while when we performed, everytime our singer raised hands all raised theirs too and waved them in the air.. The feeling was incredible :D The hole night was cool! Im still smirking when the owner asked, if I was performing first time there, i was like " no, i just dyed my hair, but yeah, last time i was here too " Then i got free drink xD hahah The owner was really kind guy but i think the guardman really hates us now because we where the last ones to leave and he was like " Let me open the doors for you two" And trust me, he didnt do it because he was kind, he just wanted to leave and was very happy when we finally decided to leave the place xD 
But I coudnt go to sleep, cuz i had to go on bus but the party ended 4.30 maybe and my bus was leaving 7.15 xD My lovely ppl managed to be up til 6 and then i realised i was talking alone because they all fell asleep xD So i played with my phone and my eyes where so heavy! But somehow i managed to stay up, so i changed clothes, woke up my friend so he could open the apartment door, we said goodbyes and i ran to the bus station. I couldnt go to my moms place, cuz Emma was in Tamsalu at my aunts place. So i drove there, rang the doorbell and then started the babysitting xD My aunts daughters daughter was there too and so i feed those little kids til she was doing her stuff. Had an 30 min nap at 10 o'clock! Yeah, i really cant remember what time my mom picked me up but i know it was late. And when i finally welt bed under me the dream was fast to come! ^^


Ouh, one day I was playing outside with Emma and the dogs. When i decided to go inside a car drove by and when I was on the stairs the car stopped and stared me like i was some kind of miracle. I really have no idea what he was staring. I know my mom has pretty garden and im sure i was dressed well so im still little confused O.o Later that night I had firework... I hate those ppl! Seriously, I just got Emma to sleep when suddenly those bangs started, my dog went crazy, ran next to Emma, under the planket -.- 'and when it finished i could hear the car speeding off like devil! But they where back in 30 mins and started playing their music. Yeah, good boys -.-


But its all for now..If i manage to remember anything else i will write about it, now at least you know im alive ^^

Sayonara! (❥ˆ◡ˆ)