Ha ha

It's just so freaking adorable, how life likes to fuck me up.

I'm sorry about my rude language, I know its nothing like me but seriously...WTF! 

I'ts the second time when my free days were FINALLY coming and then..Bang right in my tired face.. I get call from my mom early in the morning ( i was ready to go to work anyways but knew I wouldn't be long there) and she told me:

" Mari, could you come fast! She sent me message that she will not come to work anymore ."

Well done! Well done indeed you senseless human being!

And I was about to blog about how well everything was going. 

Another idea to the recycle bin.

For this moment I'm so tired with all this nonsense that I can hardly sleep.

I got home 12 am last night... My back was killing me so basically I was zumba dancing with my pillow and blanket on my bed. 5 am i woke up, made hot coffee and went to work. I had so much work to do because mom went away for personal reasons and yeah, when I needed help no one took me seriously because what silly little girl like me know about commands and who really should listen to me.... Balls to you too.

My dad came around 12pm and was surprised I was doing work that usually the guys would to. But I had no time to wait til they finish their freaking coffee to start working. I just wanted to finish the work and go home.

To be honest, I didn't finish working when I got home. 

So many things needed to be done. 

And when around 3pm I noticed, the house was clean and calm...girl and my cats where all sleeping I realized I need some also. And when I felt the pillow, the sleep hit me. It was a weak hit though. Slept only 1,5 hours. 

When will this insanity end???

Try to be positive! I'm just trying to survive

Hugs&Kisses

Leidsin midagi huvitavat

Külm tuul rahmeldab puudes,murdes nõrku oksi, ja hall taevas ähvardab oma tujud valla päästa... Kord sajab, siis aga lakkab ja alustab oma soologa tuul...Aga tuule ja vihma duett ajab inimesed tänavalt koju, loomad peitu...Vaikselt muutuvad nad lojuks, uimaseks...

Kui vaja, siis suudan ikka väga osav sõnadega olla. See muide kirjutatud 2 aastat tagasi ;)

Do you ever sleep?

A friend or co-worker walked pass me today and smiled.

"A new job? Do you ever sleep?"

I was surprised because it was something I have always done. It's even easier than the job I have done this month. But when I saw myself in the mirror...It really was horrible. I was pale as a moon with swollen eyes and the typical red rash. I like the paleness with my red hair but that wasnt that kind of healthy pale im looking for. 

So yeah, some good news. 

Finally got a fine worker. 

Not fine...Great! 

I was impressed how easily she she got the hang of the job and made my life easier. 

Now I need to talk with my boss/mom to make a new schedule for myself. 

Finally time to return into my life.

And what a perfect time...

It's spring cleaning time :)


It was so warm today. A real spring feeling at last.
Because im not so tired anymore I had some time and strength to walk with my little angel.
It was hilariously adorable how she stopped at every mud pool, sat before some and talked like she was telling a story to her invisible friend Ats.
You can imagine how dirty she wast when we got home xD
She truly is my sunshine in the dark sea.

Another month full with work and then I should have some breaks. Unless something magical happens and we find a replacement for me.


Sun to your days and kisses <3 p="">

Hello?

Anyone there?

...

Hello...??

Alone again.

I've been buried under so much work that I have been missing out my life...

All my friends...

My love...

LIFE

I'm missing them.

I'm finding myself deeper in sea of misery with every day that passes.

Waking early in the morning... Workday full of anger..pain..sadness.

You probably would understand it if you be in my shoes.

You know you have to do it but on the other hand you are leaving the better side behind...

And the decision is so hard because family is on both side. If it was just work vs. family, family would be my first choice. 

I love the idea that my love told me: " You're a mother first. Then daughter and then lover. In the end its's all about her"

Then why am I walking in my moms shoes and leaving my kid for work? So I could be the daughter she wishes I am? Or I want to please her because she used to be my inspiration?

I have had so many bad..No. Not bad..Evil thoughts. But I can't make them happen. I thought I'm a evil person but realized that I can't hurt some with those plans. 

So whats plan B?

Suck it up and hope times gets better? 

What if it won't and I'll be just like my mom. A selfish workaholic with bad temper whose child despise her. 

No! I don't want that! 

I made a promise to myself long time ago and I'll keep it. In the name of my kids love. I wont turn into a monster.

...

I'm just looking for a way that i can please both sides...Is that so bad?

Why can't I choose happy end for both side?

Or im just selfish?

...

The saddest part is, that both sides wont understand me...

One too young and other stuck in delusions. 

My heart is full of longing for love ...

and hatred toward myself  for not doing anything for changes. 

.. 

I'm just so tired...

Tired from all these feelings...

I need a break

I need...

It's late... I should go. 

Take care....

Hugs&Kisses

How Am i?

Bla bla blaablablabla blaaabla bla bla.

Bla bla bla bla...Bla bala bla blaaablabbla :D

Blablablaablla bla jada jadda jada bla huhhei jadajada jee...

blablablablaaa bla blabla bla ba ba balab bla bla bla bla blaaa blab bla.

Do you really care?