Hello?

Anyone there?

...

Hello...??

Alone again.

I've been buried under so much work that I have been missing out my life...

All my friends...

My love...

LIFE

I'm missing them.

I'm finding myself deeper in sea of misery with every day that passes.

Waking early in the morning... Workday full of anger..pain..sadness.

You probably would understand it if you be in my shoes.

You know you have to do it but on the other hand you are leaving the better side behind...

And the decision is so hard because family is on both side. If it was just work vs. family, family would be my first choice. 

I love the idea that my love told me: " You're a mother first. Then daughter and then lover. In the end its's all about her"

Then why am I walking in my moms shoes and leaving my kid for work? So I could be the daughter she wishes I am? Or I want to please her because she used to be my inspiration?

I have had so many bad..No. Not bad..Evil thoughts. But I can't make them happen. I thought I'm a evil person but realized that I can't hurt some with those plans. 

So whats plan B?

Suck it up and hope times gets better? 

What if it won't and I'll be just like my mom. A selfish workaholic with bad temper whose child despise her. 

No! I don't want that! 

I made a promise to myself long time ago and I'll keep it. In the name of my kids love. I wont turn into a monster.

...

I'm just looking for a way that i can please both sides...Is that so bad?

Why can't I choose happy end for both side?

Or im just selfish?

...

The saddest part is, that both sides wont understand me...

One too young and other stuck in delusions. 

My heart is full of longing for love ...

and hatred toward myself  for not doing anything for changes. 

.. 

I'm just so tired...

Tired from all these feelings...

I need a break

I need...

It's late... I should go. 

Take care....

Hugs&Kisses